I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
