Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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