Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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