well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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