just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
