ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm too high and old for this...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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