We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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