Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize