dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
