ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
