You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My bed smells like the plague
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
