Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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