glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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