Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
