I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
