Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
