so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
