Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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