Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
