another moral hangover. fuck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
