my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
