p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
