rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
