When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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