You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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