she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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