you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
