this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
