We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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