I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
