If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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