Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
