you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
