In America we eat man semen.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were trust falling into bushes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
