It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
