awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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