Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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