I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
