All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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