That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's when you crack a 10am beer
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
