Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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