Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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