Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize