don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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