Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
