So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
