can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
