My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Randomize
