ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
