i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
