Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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