The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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