it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
