"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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