She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
