I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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