Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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