I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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