I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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