So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
