I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
