with your own penis?
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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