u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize