I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize