she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
