very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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