hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
