U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
