Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
