I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
