random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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