he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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