And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
