2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
