my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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