i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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