Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
