the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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