just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
