4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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