Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found the puke drawer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
