Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize